My sheets look like a crime scene.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
