Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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