I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
