What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
