I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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