I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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