Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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