I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
