Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
