I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
