i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
