just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
