I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
