She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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