the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
