I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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