i just had sex bonerless
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
