So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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