Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
