Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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