The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
