Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
