Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
