I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
