don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
