i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my shit smells like andre
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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