dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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