I just saw a hot homeless man
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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