Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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