I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
