dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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