I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
