I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
