i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
