My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
