Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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