Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
