Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
