So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
