I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
