I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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