If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
