I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
