if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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