Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
