i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
