I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
