During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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