Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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