College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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