apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
