She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
