how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
